Noureen and I are expecting our first child!
A new challenge that I am both excited for and incredibly fearful of at the same time. Since we found out, I have been noticing a constant feeling of butterflies in my stomach. The emotions are swirling – a mix of utter joy, complete overwhelm, wishing that we had more time while desiring to finally see my baby’s face and experience my heart melting when I see him/her smile.
The knowledge that we will be entirely responsible for a new human, made up 50% of my genes, that is completely and entirely in need of our constant support, love, and care, feels quite heavy. I am incredibly grateful that the gestational period for humans is 40 weeks so that I can wrap my head around this responsibility in its entirety – yet I hear from many experienced friends, that it is even harder and significantly more fulfilling than you can ever expect.
A new child is a blank slate. A new life, that will be framed with and offered beliefs, which will initially be instilled by Noureen and me, its parents. A child is the ultimate culmination of love and energy forming a clean canvas, which will grow into a role model for others eventually having an effect not only on our lives but also on the lives of future generations.
Through the whirlwind of emotion, I have been asking myself many questions over the past 3 months. When I take a step back and look objectively at this situation, there are certain questions that I ask myself as I continue to look forward.
What beliefs do I want to consciously instill in my children?
Our parents are the major players in our belief systems as they are the ones we look up to and the ones that look after us for the first many years of our lives. Many times, our personal beliefs are a reflection of the beliefs held by our parents. Some call this a curse – I am lucky enough to call this a blessing. My parents have been amazing role models to me and have instilled a love of and desire to serve people and help humanity to become better and more aware of why we are here and what we want to accomplish.
There are however some deeply held beliefs that can have less than ideal effects on growth and personal development. These are not the fault of a parent, but simply the perspective of the child noticing that these choices were not prioritized.
So the question evolves and makes us ask, how can a parent instill beliefs in their child with the child’s best intentions at heart? I cannot force my child to take on my beliefs, but as many of you know, your parents are your initial role models. I cannot force my child to become the amazing, open-minded, growth-centered, social butterfly that gets straight A’s and earns his/her positive reputation for helping people attain more – I need to do that all for myself, and my child will pick and choose from my beliefs. What I prioritize, my child will pick up on and ideally prioritize.
If I have long held negative beliefs that dictate my actions, my child will pick up on them. The same is true for positive beliefs. Thus I need to become the man I want them to see. I must become the best role model for this child.
I’ve put together a list of 5 values that I want to pass on to give my child the best chance at living a successful life. In order to pass them on, I must learn to embody them myself. Today, on my 33rd birthday, the values that I want to pass on to my kids are:
- Creating value by serving others
- Importance of health
- Lifelong learning
“She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.” –Elizabeth Edwards
Even I am not naïve enough to believe that I can ensure with absolute certainty, that my child will be happy, positive and live a life without challenges. Challenges are what build strong people. You can’t become resilient without challenge. Life isn’t about how high you can jump, but how high you bounce after hitting the bottom. It’s not life if bad things don’t happen. The question you MUST NOT ask yourself when something happens is “Why me?” Instead, determine how you will move forward to learn from this scenario or situation. Ask yourself “what can I learn from this?”
It’s important to remember that things don’t happen to you. The things that happen are simply instructing you on how to move forward. Shift your focus from what has happened, to what you can learn from it. If you are constantly willing to learn, everything will be a lesson to you.
“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” –Nelson Mandela
“There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” –Albert Einstein
You are not entitled to anything. It is very important to fully understand and believe this. We do not deserve anything and if we believe that we do, then we absolutely do not deserve it. Each of us has been given an opportunity to come into our circumstances, overcome challenges and learn everything this life has to offer. The belief that we are owed or entitled to anything that we have is incredibly naïve and short-sighted. Ego is the enemy (great book by the way).
As humans, we have been given an opportunity. Be grateful for the opportunity and for everything you have around you. Being grateful teaches you that you have enough. If you believe you have enough, then you will always end up having more. If you are not grateful for what you have, you will focus on what is missing, or what is coming next, which is force you to believe that you don’t have enough.
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” –Oprah Winfrey
Creating value by serving others
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” –Mahatma Gandhi
If you have ever felt lost, or as though something was missing – then I completely understand you. As a child and teenager, I always felt like there was something more that was missing from my life. I came across this quote from Ghandi years ago, and it helped to guide me down the path of service of others. I truly believe that we are all on this planet, living at this time so that we can help each other overcome difficulties and improve the collective quality of our lives.
I completely immersed myself in serving others, given the tools that I had innately been granted. I used to believe that everyone had these same tools, and that is why I was not special. As I continued to learn, I realized that each one of us has a slightly different voice, different message, different tools bestowed upon us, to help us solve people problems and create value for them. As a chiropractor, I help serve my patients with their physical pain. As a functional medicine provider, I help my patients find and eliminate the root cause of their chronic health ailments. As a volunteer, I help serve my community in various ways. As a student, I helped fellow students by taking great notes and not keeping them to myself.
Jim Rohn once said, in his book ‘The Art of Exceptional Living’ (and I am paraphrasing here) that ambition is the path through which people create wealth, through the SERVICE of others, while greed is the path through which people create wealth, at the EXPENSE of others. The people that need your help will always find you. Serve them in the best way you know how and help solve the problems that ail them and keep them from pursuing their dreams. This is how you can create value by serving others.
“Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly. It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.” –Henry Ford
Importance of Health
“Great health doesn’t just change your present, great health changes your possibilities.” –Dr. Sachin Patel
On my journey, I have learned how true this quote is. I have been lucky enough to hear it in person and experience it myself. As you may know, I have overcome being significantly overweight, dealing with high blood pressure, high blood sugar, irritable bowel and sleep apnea. Once I realized that I was bringing these health issues upon myself, I decided to make positive lifestyle changes.
I learned the importance of thinking positive thoughts and limiting the input of negative worry into my life. I stopped watching the news and eventually canceled my cable subscription (even before it was the cool thing to do). I suddenly had an extra 3 hours per day to put towards learning and growing. I started incorporating meditation and deep breathing exercises into my life, improving my outlook greatly.
I made small changes like choosing real food and creating simple disciplines that I practice daily. My breakfast protein smoothies can be made with minimal brainpower at this point, as it is simply a habit. Most weekends, I am able to spend a few hours preparing meals for the week, allowing me to ensure I know what I am eating, and also eliminating daily decision fatigue related to figuring out what to get for lunch and dinner.
I started working out and challenging myself physically by playing squash with friends, to biking along the waterfront spending quality time with myself, and even meeting new and amazing people when I go to CrossFit ® on 2 mornings per week. (Side note – I previously believed that I could not run 1 km, row 4 km or do 40 clean and jerks… 2 days ago I did both in the same workout). Physical fitness is an important component of health.
Putting it all together – Eat real food, spend time on your personal growth and push yourself to perform progressively more difficult physical tasks. Once you realize you can do these things regularly, then success in the external realm will be readily available to you.
“Every feeling is a field of energy. A pleasant feeling is an energy which can nourish. Irritation is a feeling which can destroy. Under the light of awareness, the energy of irritation can be transformed into an energy which nourishes.” –Thich Nhat Hanh
“And any man who knows a thing knows, he knows not a damn, damn thing at all.” –K’naan
What we think we know, keeps us from learning. As a teenager, I thought I knew everything. I slowly believed that knowledge only comes from experience, and as a teenager, I definitely hadn’t had enough experience to gain much knowledge as yet. Now as I turn 33 years (young) old, I realize that I know absolutely nothing at all. I have opinions and beliefs that dictate my choices, but to me, true wisdom is being open to all possibilities. There is no ultimately right or wrong fact. Let’s take for example Global Warming.
Global warming is a belief that humans are contributing to the destruction of our planet. I agree with this belief, and I hold this belief. Ultimately, we don’t KNOW anything, but this is something that at this time in history, would be important for us to believe. To me, global warming is an opportunity for us to become grateful of the earth, the atmosphere, the oxygen and everything that we have, as well as an opportunity to reinforce this gratitude with actions that reflect it – minimizing carbon emissions, eating real food, contributing to our natural surroundings, and finding ways to use the renewable resources that surround us as opposed to leaching the planet for everything that it has – Earth is not a gas station.
I gained these beliefs by reading and forming an opinion. Books used to be my nemesis. I think I read a total of 2 books throughout my life, which were not prescribed through my formal education. Recently, I have come to the realization that its not books that I didn’t like, but reading itself. I realized that I am a kinesthetic learner (to check your VARK score, click HERE). I spent time to learn, how I learn. This allows me to increase my efficiency and get the most out of the audiobooks I now listen to while driving. I write and draw charts and graphs. For me it is the act of writing or drawing that allows me to learn and retain information.
Read every book you can get your hands on. I have been lucky enough to meet some of the authors that I idolized, and they are regular humans like us. The space between people who are willing to learn and those who are not are the number of books they have read.
“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.” –Seneca
If you are reading this section, congratulations for making it through the ranting of a mad-man. I am grateful for both the opportunity to rant and the fact that you cared enough to read this post in its entirety.
I now realize that as I move closer to becoming a father, that these lessons must be engrained in every aspect of my life, deep within my being. This is the only way that I can be the role model I would like to be, to my child.
If you are interested in speaking with me further regarding your ongoing health conditions and how to eliminate the root cause of these health conditions, please visit www.drhabib.ca or book an appointment with me at www.livingproofappt.com.